Sep 8, 2011

The cow who fell from the sky

Spockett was mad. He was so mad he could have pulled his lone eye right out of its stalk and played bounce with it to calm himself down. Nothing was right today. The biiglie machine was out of order, Kirkon had called in sick and most importantly, the claw seemed to have developed a mind of its own. He walked over to the edge of the craft to see if the cloud cloaking him was still intact. As he leaned over the railing, cursing under his breath, he saw that it indeed was. Slightly relieved, he walked over to the radar and hit the scan button. Soon enough, it lit up with green dots indicating the scores of clueless bovine which dotted the landscape that this 'unidentified flying object' was zooming across. 'Beanie Weenie shiny doe, i pick you to feed my bro' chanted Spockett as his finger flit across the radar screen pointing from one dot to another. 'Naaah', he said to himself, 'that dot doesn't nearly look plump enough. Oh well, i guess i'll just take.. mmmmm.. this one.'
Lisa was having a good day. She always had a good day. She had a fixed schedule which suited her just fine. She wasn't like one of the countless street cattle. She was a thoroughbred. The way her hips swayed, nobody's did and the way her bell chimed, none did. She only had the greenest of grass to feed on and had, on more than one occasion, sent the farmhand scurrying to find her a better pasture to graze on. Her milk was simply wonderful, she believed. Which is why the farmer used it to make cheese and sell it, instead of sending her considerable stature to the butcher-shop. Today was, like we have read before, a good day. Ah, there was Gregory. She thought she'd amble over and say 'moo. So, off she set, her bell chiming in tune to her swaying. She was closer to him, closer to him, almost there, moving farther away, farther away, he was just a speck now.. Wait, she looked around frantically, she was flying! Some sort of claw from a cloud seemed to be carrying her. After 'mooing herself hoarse for a few minutes, she said to herself, out of the blue 'Hmm, this ain't so bad afterall!' So, she leaned back, trying to find herself a nice and comfy position. All of a sudden, she found herself falling. 'Moooo!' she said, 'Moooo!'

'Drat!' said Spockett to himself, 'That's gonna leave a mess.'

Nathan was a man of god. He was a man of principles. He was a virtuous man. He ardently abhorred all sins of the flesh and of the mind. He religiously practiced all the rituals prescribed to him. He helped the needy and the poor and prayed to the lord to forgive the evil and the wicked. He believed in the power of prayer. He believed in heaven. He believed in hell. He protected his soul from the devil. He had never uttered a single foul word in his entire life. He had never let the demon cloud his judgement. Today, as Nathan was walking down the road, he saw a cow being dragged to the butchers'. Being the principled anti-cruelty activist that he was, he rushed to the spot. 'Spare this here cow, brother' he said, 'for only the lord hath the power to give and to take!' After being scoffed at mightily by the butcher, Nathan finally parted with a few pieces of silver and set the cow on her way. 'Take care my friend,' he said, 'May you live happily with the grace of the Lord, our shepherd.' As he started walking down the street, he thought he heard somebody say 'moooove'. Startled, he looked around. Finding nothing, he was about to carry on when he heard the voice again; 'moooove' it said. In the hope that it would be Divine grace (and that heaven lies upwards, for some reason), Nathan looked up, only to see Lisa raining down upon him. 'Oh, fuck!' he said.

'Phew', whistled Spockett to himself, 'That was messy.'
The End.

No comments:

Post a Comment